Closer
by SilverMidnight52
Summary: Patrick is ready to take his and Kimball's relationship to the next level and exchange keys. Only a secret from Kimball throws everything into chaos. Warnings inside.


I have no idea where this idea came from, but I might have cackled when I thought of it. Yeah, I'm evil. This story is evil. Enjoy!

Warnings: Suicide, sexual content, mild choking, blood, not a happy ending. I can't think of anymore, but if you seem them tell me!

If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

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A smile came to Patrick's lips when he heard a car engine cut off. He had been lounging by his lovers first door for what felt like hours. Which was completely possible. Being able to get lost in his imagination had helped him through a lot of things.

Reaching out he placed his hand on the bag of food next to him and frowned. Of course it was starting to get cold. Now that he was out of his mind he was cold. He really hadn't expected to be outside for that long.

Something that wouldn't have happened if he had a key to the man's place. The thought made him squirm slightly. He had been having similar thoughts for the last few days, but he wasn't sure how to approach it.

That was part of the reason that he had came to the apartment that night. He thought that maybe it was time for them to move forward. Except Kimball hadn't been there. Something must have happened after he left. That or he had got lost in his work. Again.

He really shouldn't be all that surprised by that. The agent had been working hard recently. Mostly because Lisbon had been forced to take a vacation and Kimball had to step up. It was nice to see the man be in position that he was made for.

That was the other part of why he was there. He knew that his lover hadn't been taking care of himself. He had wanted to make a homemade meal for him to come home too, but food from his favorite place would work just as well.

Which all lead him to sitting on the ground by the man's front door waiting for him to come home. It had been awhile since he had done anything like this for a lover. Actually the last time was when he first started dating his wife.

It had become a joke between them that he was completely hopeless when it came to love. He was the type of person that dropped everything for his lover. He actually used to buy a new present for Angela every time they went on a date.

He fell hard for a person and when they broke up it was as if he was destroyed. A part of his heart always belonged with the person that broke it. Considering what happened to the last person that he fell in love with… He had promised not to do this again.

He had loved his wife with all of his heart. From the moment he saw her he knew that he wanted to spend his life with her. She was everything that he had ever dreamed of. He loved every second of being with her.

They had started off as simply being friends at first. Then he started to fall for her and had asked her out. To which she said no. He hated that, but he hadn't pushed her. If she didn't want to be with him than she didn't want to be with him.

It wasn't until three months after he asked her out that she came back to him and asked him out. To this day he still had no idea what it was that had changed her mind. The day she asked him out was one of the happiest of his life.

Licking his lips Patrick took a shaky breath while shaking his head. There were times when it was easier to think about his family. It always hurt to think about them, but at times he could remember the good times without feeling as if his heart was being torn out.

For a long time he had been lost in the night that his family was taken from him. The pain and anger and crushing sadness was all that he could feel when he thought about them. That changed when Agent Kimball Cho walked into his life.

At first it was nothing more than him noticing the younger man. He wasn't like the people that he normally ran into. Mostly because he could see past the facade that the faux-psychic put up. He could see Patrick and he simply let him know that he saw before moving on.

It was after that that he started to feel that familiar pull in his heart. The one that made him want to get closer to the younger man and find out who he really was. He wanted to get the know the person that he rarely got to see at the office.

For the first time in his life though he fought those feelings. It had actually taken awhile for him to realize what he was feeling towards the agent. They had been working on case after case that month and no one had time to stop and think about anything.

Then they finally had time off and the team went to grab dinner together. It was like every other time they had gotten dinner. Until Kimball turned to face him with one of those rare smiles on his face and he felt his heart skip.

He felt as if he had been punched hard enough to knock the breath from his lungs. Through the rest of the dinner he plastered on a fake smile pretending that he didn't feel that he was going to throw up all the food he had eaten that day.

That night he had ended up staying awake thinking. Being attracted to the other man felt as if he was betraying his family. After everything he had done to them he didn't deserve to ever feel that happiness again.

For awhile he seriously thought about simply leaving. It would be better for everyone if he walked away from it all. He couldn't let himself be with anyone after what he had done to his family. They were dead because he was a selfish, arrogant fool.

He'd never be able to fix what he had done to them. He deserved all of the pain that he was surrounded in. He knew that being with Kimball would bring him happiness that he should never have again. Yet still he found himself wanting the other man.

Slowly the two of them started to get closer. Then one day they were leaving the office at the same time and Patrick spoke without thinking. He asked the agent out and waited for the man to say no, but he didn't.

Kimball said yes to going out on a date with him. That was six months ago. In those months he found himself slowly falling in love with the man. He loved and hated that he was in the situation again.

He knew that he was doing exactly what he had done before. Kimball was going to get hurt because he was being selfish. No matter what he told himself he still found that he couldn't simply walk away.

Instead he found himself waiting outside his lovers door with cold Mexican food. He really didn't understand why so many people thought of him as a genius. He was simply an arrogant asshole that got people killed because he couldn't let go.

"Jane?" Kimball questioned knocking him from his thoughts.

"Kimball!" Patrick greeted with a grin as he climbed to his feet, "Fancy seeing you at your place."

The younger man cocked an eyebrow at the faux-psychic's words even as his lips twitched into a smile. It wasn't much, but it had Patrick grinning even wider. One of his favorite games was to play was getting the man to smile.

Kimball was one of the most disciplined men that he had ever known. He was one of the few people that Patrick had to work to read and even then he had difficulties. It took a lot to get him to break that stoic facade he had mastered.

That was a lie. It was actually rather easy to get him to break. They were rarely big breaks, but they were always there. A twitch of his lips when he was amused. The way he would shift from one foot to the other when he was aroused. Once you knew what you were doing it was beautiful.

A part of him enjoyed the fact that he was the one that made the man feel that way. He knew exactly what it took to make the man feel something so strong that he couldn't help but show it. It was one of the best feelings he had felt in awhile.

At the same time though he hated it. For everything that people had told him about Kimball Cho they left out the important facts. Hell, they left out everything that made him the man that he was. No one knew who he truly was.

That person was left for people that actually cared to look. Sometimes Patrick wondered if he should have been allowed to look behind the curtain. Then Kimball would do something small like eat an entire box of doughnuts alone.

It was the small things that Patrick had come to love looking for. And, if he was going to be honest, exploiting a little. The never simply indulged in the things that he liked. Although, the doughnuts might not have been his best plan.

None of that mattered though because his lover would get this little glint in his eyes and everything would be fine for that moment. It was well worth it to see the man give him that smile that he reserved for special occasions.

"Jane," Kimball prompted his arms crossing over his chest as he continued staring at him.

"Patrick," he responded teasingly brushing the dirt off of his suit, "We agreed out of the office I was Patrick and you were Kimball. Remember?"

"Sorry."

Shaking his head at the younger man Patrick turned around to pick up the food. When he turned back towards the agent he couldn't help but let his eyes wonder over the man's body. He looked so compact and muscular in the light that he felt his mind wondering a bit.

Then his eyes got to the man's face and he felt a shot of confusion go through him. Another smile had started to come to Kimball's lips but he seemed to force it away before it formed fully. The man hadn't done that while they were alone in a long time.

When their relationship first started both of them had been wary of each other and everyone else. There were too many ways for everything to be torn away for them not to pay attention to every movement they made.

It had taken awhile, but they had both started to relax a little and put away their shields. At least when they were at Kimball's place. It was there little safe haven from who the rest of the world thought that they should be.

Jane had to admit that it felt nice to simply be Patrick instead of basing what he did on what people expected from him. It was all a game that he was very good at. One that Kimball had seen through almost instantly.

There were points in time when they were working that he would have those brown eyes lock with his and he'd know that he'd been seen through. It should have been annoying that someone knew that he was hiding. In the end it was just refreshing to be seen.

For everything that he was though he decided that he was going to ignore Kimball hiding from him. It was better if he just waited for the man to tell him what had happened. He did not react well when being pushed. Especially in his own home.

Instead Patrick held up the food bag and swung it in his lover's face. The smile quirked at his lips again as he turned around and opened the front door. It was a simple thing, but it still felt amazing to be let into the private man's home.

Smiling happily he followed after the younger man his eyes darting around the place to see what had changed since the last time he was there. He wasn't really sure why he did it anymore. The man didn't like change anymore than Patrick himself.

In fact, for the few months that he had been coming over to the apartment there was only one thing that changed with any consistency. The book next to the couch. Every time he came over it was a new book.

Sometimes he had no idea what Kimball was doing reading the book. For awhile he thought that he was part of some book club and hadn't told anyone. Until he revealed that he simply went through the books he got from his grandparents home and read what he picked up.

"Sherlock Holmes?" Patrick questioned feeling his curiosity peak, "I didn't take you to be a fan of him."

"I haven't read the books since high school," the agent responded a stiffness to his voice that had the faux-psychic blinking slowly, "I couldn't get the story out of my mind recently. I had to read it again."

Nodding his head slowly Patrick put the book down and went into the kitchen his brain working overtime trying to figure out what it was that was bothering the other man. Kimball had already set the table and was getting the reheated food out of the microwave.

Stopping at the doorway he watched as the young man moved around the small space. It should have been a comforting sight, but it was all wrong. He looked so much different than he normally did. It was as if he was holding himself back.

Not knowing exactly what he could do to help Patrick walked up to his lover and reached out. His plan was to massage the man's neck and shoulders, but as soon as he touched Kimball the man went completely still.

After all their time together he hand never reacted that way. Even before they started dating. He might move away quickly, but he never just froze. The whole situation caused a knot to form in the pit of Patrick's stomach.

With a deep breath he turned the man around and tried to lock eyes with him. The knot tightened as his attempts were ignored. It was almost as if he was hiding something that he didn't want Patrick to find out.

"Kimball?" he asked softly not sure if he wanted to know the answer, "Did something happen after I left?"

"No," the younger man offered without giving anything away.

Sighing softly the faux-psychic placed a hand on his lovers chin and forced their eyes to connect. Even with the blank mask in place he knew that something was wrong. It might not have happened at work, but something was wrong.

He had also learned the hard way that if Kimball didn't want to talk than he wasn't going to. The fight that they had had because Patrick had no idea how to stop poking and pushing everyone around him was not one that he wanted to repeat.

Not knowing what he could do he down and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. All he had wanted to do was offer some kind of comfort. He wasn't taking advantage of the situation or pushing for more. Kimball, on the other hand, had other plans in mind.

Not that Patrick was complaining or resisting at all. He just wasn't expecting for the younger man to take a hold of his shoulders and push him backwards into the wall hard enough to knock the breath from his lungs.

Strong hands squeezed his shoulders a few times before moving down. The sure fingers mapped his body as if it was their first time together. It was exhilarating to be on this side of his lover's laser focus.

A surprised sound fell from his lips when he felt his vest then shirt be pulled hard enough to pop off the buttons. They hadn't been exactly vanilla when they had sex, but it was nothing like that Kimball was doing. There was something animalistic about him.

Every movement was rough as he was stripped out of his vest and shirt. The younger man moved close so they were plastered against each other. His hand curled in Patrick's hair tugging his head back so he had access to his neck.

Teeth scrapped at his flesh drawing a broken gasp to escape. He knew that by tomorrow he was going to have some things to explain to people. It was one of the rules that they had come up with. No marks where others might see.

Kimball started to rock his hips forward letting his lover feel his hard cock against his thigh. It was an addicting feeling that he had come to enjoy. Patrick found that he couldn't simply give into it though.

Squirming he attempted to get away, but the man's grip was too strong. He was at complete mercy of the younger man. The thought of that terrified him almost as much as it turned him on. In any other situation he'd be in love. Now though?

There was something seriously wrong with Kimball. Something that he was attempting to hide or forget. Patrick wasn't all that sure which one anymore, but he knew that he couldn't just let the man did whatever he wanted.

"Kim-Kimball, stop," Patrick gasped out even as his hips stuttering forward.

The agent pulled back far enough that blue eyes could finally get a good look at his face. Whatever mask he had put on before was gone now. All that could seen was pure and total rage. All of it directed at one Patrick Jane.

"You son of a bitch," Kimball growled out his hand coming up to wrap around his throat violently.

Patrick went completely motionless his eyes wide as he stared at the younger man. For the first time in all the years he knew the man he was sure that he was going to be hurt. With everything that he had done to the man in that past he never looked at him like that before.

If he was being honest he didn't think he'd seen the man look at anyone like that before. So much anger and hatred in those eyes. This wasn't the Kimball Cho that he knew and loved and he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

"P-Please," the faux-psychic tried only to have the hand on his throat tighten painfully.

"Shut up," Kimball ordered his normally calm eyes darkening dangerously, "I don't want to hear anymore. I… I can't."

For a moment the two men stared at each other. Neither of them made a move to do or saying anything else. They were simply waiting for something. What Patrick didn't know and for once he didn't particularly care.

He stared into the eyes that he loved and waited for them to look like he was used to. For them to be bright and kind. As scared as he was right then he hoped that Kimball was somewhere behind all the fury.

Finally the tension broke as the agent pulled away forcefully. Breathing heavily Patrick stayed against the wall even as he watched the man spin around and kick a cabinet hard enough that it started to come off the hinges.

Flinching back he felt his eyes go wide as Kimball got more and more violent. Plates and cartons of food splattered against the floor. Drywall floated down from newly formed holes in the wall. Chairs and the table ended up looking like firewood by the end.

As soon as it started it stopped. The younger man stood in the middle of the room his whole body heaving as he gasped for breath. Blood slowly dripped onto the floor from cuts in his knuckles. Still, Patrick didn't move. He couldn't be sure if they were in the eye of the storm or not.

"Kimball," he breathed causing the man to spin around and glare.

"It was supposed to be easy," Kimball snarled though he made no movements to get closer to Patrick, "I never…. It wasn't supposed to be this way."

Swallowing roughly the older man took a shaky breath before moving forward. He knew that he should be paying attention to the words that were being said, but all he could focus on was the man in front of him.

Kimball was strong. He was the strongest man that he had ever met. To stand there and watch him fall apart like that was sickening to say the least. Even as he wanted to run the other direction he needed to know how badly he was damaged.

Patrick got a few steps closer before the words finally hit him. Mouth falling open he stared at the ground not seeing what was going on around him. All he could hear was what the younger man had just revealed.

The sick feeling only grew as he tried to figure out a different way to interpret them. There was no way that Kimball had just said what he thought he said. There was no chance that the man was really part of…

Without thinking the faux-psychic flew forward slamming into the man hard enough that they both went sprawling onto the floor. He didn't have time to do or say anything before he was being pushed away.

Patrick refused to go down without a fight. Straddling the younger man's waist he tried to grab his wrists to pin him down. Kimball was stronger than him though and easily pushed him off. Panting harshly he moved so he was leaning against the wall and glared.

"Tell me what's going on," Patrick demanded angrily.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," Kimball offered dropping his head against the wall.

"What wasn't it supposed to be like this?"

Slowly the younger man's head moved down until he was able to stare at him. Sucking in a breath Patrick felt his heart clench painfully when the brown eyes were looking at him. He had never seen that much emotion in them before.

He looked… There was no other way to explain it than saying that he looked broken. It was as if every wall that he had put up was shattered letting the world truly see him. Patrick had thought he wanted that, but now he hoped to never see it again.

A voice in the back of his head tried to tell him not to move, but he couldn't help himself. Standing up he went to his lover's side and sat next to him. It was stupid of him and he knew it, but he cared Kimball. He couldn't just turn that off.

For a moment the two men sat in silence. There were so many things that needed to be said, but no words could be found. At least no words that made sense. A part of Patrick was sure that nothing was ever going to make sense again.

"Why did you have to ask me out?" Kimball asked suddenly making the faux-psychic's head snap towards him, "Why did you have to make me fall in love with you?"

"I..." Patrick stuttered before shaking his head, "I don't understand."

"I love you."

"Okay?"

"No. It's not okay. I can't be in love with you."

"Why not?"

"Because..."

"Kimball? Talk to me. Why can't you be in love with me?"

"Because of him. Because I belong to him. Because he belongs to me."

Taking a shaky breath Patrick closed his eyes and tried his hardest to ignore the pain in the man's voice. He sounded broken, but so sure of himself at the same time. He truly believed what he was saying.

"Who?" Patrick asked needing the man to say who he was talking about.

Shaking his head Kimball tore his eyes away from Patrick. A wave of anger pulsed through him as he reached out to grip the younger man's jaw forcing his eyes back. Once they were looking at each other again he opened his mouth to speak on to have a heated kiss pressed to his lips.

Without much thought he felt his eyes slip shut as he fell into the feeling. His hand moved from the man's jaw to the back of his head holding him steady even as he moved so he was straddling his waist.

For a moment it was like every other time they were together. Teeth gently nipped at lips drawing gasps and low groans from them both. Lips parted letting the tongues come out and map out each others mouths.

Kimball ground his hips down causing Patrick to moan and thrust up. Strong, smooth hands traveled down the agent's back coming to stop at his ass. Squeezing at it he pulled his closer again needed to feel the heated flesh against his own.

A growl came from the other man's lips as his movements got rougher. Nails dug into Patrick's shoulders before being brought down his chest hard enough that he pushed the other man away before he could do any true damage.

"Kimball!" Patrick exclaimed his eyes wide.

The agent made no move to respond as he ground his hips down even harder panting harshly into his neck. Patrick wasn't all that unfamiliar with a little pain in the bedroom, but Kimball was pushing the limit.

Letting go of the other man he pushed him off of his lap. He hadn't thought he pushed that hard, but Kimball went sprawling on the floor his head and shoulders hitting the ground hard enough that he winced himself.

"Yes," the agent moaned his eyes fluttering shut as his hips thrust into the air.

Patrick felt his mouth drop open at that. He knew that there were people that got off on pain, but he hadn't gone to bed with one. At least he thought he hadn't. Looking at the younger man now he was surprised he hadn't seen it before.

Kimball opened his eyes and gazed up at him. He hoped that the man was going to sit up and move on, but he didn't. Instead he placed a hand on his stomach and dug his nails in hard enough that blood started to dot the skin.

"Stop," Patrick attempted to demand though his voice came out too weak.

"Then you do it," was the only response that he got.

"What?"

"Come on, Patrick. Do it. You know you want to."

"No..."

"After everything I've said tonight you don't want to hurt me a little?"

"I… No! I don't… I'm not going to hurt you, Kimball. You don't hurt the person you love."

Kimball seemed to freeze at those words. His eyes darted over Patrick's face as if he was trying to figure out if he was lying or not. All the fight slowly slipped out of him as he laid on the kitchen floor.

He looked absolutely obscene. His chest still heaving as he tried to calm himself down. His hard cock tenting his pants. Patrick had to admit that there was an appeal to the sight before him. He hated how they got there though.

He knew that the younger man had gotten off on the pain. That he had enjoyed every moment of it. That wasn't what he wanted from him though. He wasn't the type of person that took pleasure in hurting the people that he loved. In any shape or form.

"How can you be so like him yet so different?" the man asked sounding defeated.

"Like who?" Patrick asked hoping to finally get any answer.

"How can you not see that you and him are the same?"

"Who?"

"You know who."

"Tell me, Kimball. I need to hear you say his name."

Kimball blinked his eyes open to regard the older man. A small peaceful smile came to his lips as everything about him seemed to soften. It was the same thing that people did whenever they talked about someone they loved.

"Red John," he breathed out lovingly.

Despite knowing what the younger man was going to say he felt like he had been sucker punched. He had never once thought that anyone on the team could be involved with the killer. They were all too good.

Even now that he knew the two had a connection he couldn't wrap his mind around it. Not just a connection either. Kimball was in love with him. Just the thought of that made Patrick want to throw up.

"You and… You and him are..."

A twisted, yet still caring smile came to his lips as his eyes shut once more. The hand on his stomach caressed his skin as if he was lost in thoughts of his time with the killer. Patrick did not want to know what those thoughts were.

Whatever it was that the two men got into when they were alone frankly scared him. He knew that he had gotten a little taste based off the way the younger man had been acting. That was more than enough for him.

He had no idea how he could have missed so much about his lover. The man had always been an open book to him. If he asked a question than he'd get an answer. That was just the way that Kimball worked. At least that's what he had thought.

"How can you..." Patrick tried before trailing off.

"How can I?" Kimball repeated looking up at him once more.

"You've seen what he can do. That man is a monster."

"He's more than that."

"How can you believe that? After everything he's done?

"You don't see him."

"I see him perfectly."

"No. You're blind to him. You always have been."

"I'm not blind. I see him. I see him every time I close my eyes."

"You see the kills he's made. There's more to him than that. All he wants is for you to see him as he truly is."

"So what? He sends his whore?"

"I'm not his whore and you know it, Patrick."

"I don't know anything anymore."

"Yes, you do. You just don't want to admit it."

"Admit it? You want to talk about admitting things? Why'd you tell me you love me? Another game of his?"

"No. I… I do love you, Patrick."

"Really?"

"Yes. I love him as well. Is that so hard to believe?"

Shaking his head angrily the older man jumped to his feet and started to pace the kitchen. The man's words echoed in his head. He had never wanted silence more than he did in that moment. He'd almost take his empty house over the noise.

He had spent the last few years learning about Red John. Every file that the police had on him was read. Every theory that crackpots online posted was bookmarked. He knew the killer better than he knew himself.

That had always been a point of pride for him. Now it was like every idea was thrown out the window. Maybe Kimball was right. Maybe he was blinded to Red John. Blinded by his hatred and anger at the killer that he wanted to stop.

Still, he had run into a handful of people that worked for the man over that time. Every last one of them reassured the ideas he had. They all feared and respected him even though none of them had ever met him.

Kimball was different though. He wasn't afraid of him at all. He loved him. Not just a normal everyday kind of love either. It was the kind of love that people dreamed of having. It was the kind of love that he had hoped the agent felt for him.

A pain started to pound at the base of his skull as his mind tried to wrap around the information. None of it made sense to him at all. He knew that he needed more information though he was terrified about what he would learn next.

"How long?" the faux-psychic asked not looking at that other man.

"You're going to have to be more specific," Kimball said softly.

"How long have you worked for him? How long have you been with him? How long have you been playing me?"

"A few years. I got a letter about a week after I was released from the military. It wasn't anything more than an address and I had nothing better to do. When I got there no one else was around. All I could find was a gun and a list of people. At first I was going to call the police and turn them in. Then I heard a voice saying my name. I started to turn to look at whoever it was, but the cocking of a gun stopped me.

"They explained that they needed someone with my skill set. It was the first time since I got back that I felt normal again. To the rest of the world I was just another retired Army soldier that had to find his footing in the world. He explained that he needed me. It wasn't as if he was asking me to do something knew. He needed a gun sometimes and I had already been doing that for years.

"One day about two years into working for him I came home after a job. He had broken into my apartment and was waiting for me to come home. I thought it was an intruder at first. I almost shot him where he stood. When I told him that he laughed. I still don't know why he showed up that night, but he never left."

Listening to the way Kimball talked about the killer was like nothing he'd ever heard before. It was easy to see how much he cared about the man. For the first time he wasn't seeing him as the person that killed his family and he hated it.

Red John had proven time and time again that he was nothing more than a murderer. He might be brilliant at manipulating people and situations, but he was nothing more than a murderer. Everyone that knew about him knew that.

Except Kimball. For some reason he had fallen in love with the man. Or a version of the man. It was the only thing that made sense to Patrick. Red John must have seen an opening in him that the faux-psychic hadn't. He was just playing the man.

It was something that he had tried to do himself when he first joined the team. He needed to know everyone's weaknesses and strengths. Kimball was always the hardest one to read. That was what drew him to the man in the first place.

The night he asked the agent out he hadn't actually known what the answer would be. That didn't happen very often with him. Not being able to predict an outcome was a little thrilling and he had wanted more.

For the first time in years he had thought that he saw a light at the end of the tunnel. He could have a future with the other man. Something that he hated to admit, but knew that his wife would have wanted for him.

The idea that all of it had been a game. That he had been so blind once more was almost too much for him to handle. With all of the evidence laid out in front of him he still wasn't sure what it was that he believed.

Hearing the sound of a chair scraping against the floor he slowly turned around to face the younger man. He had expected to see his mask back in place, but instead he was greeted with a heart-broken smile that made his stomach twist.

"Where do I come in?" Patrick questioned shakily crossing his arms over his chest as if to protect himself.

"I don't know," the younger man replied with a shake of his head, "He told me that I was going to be working at the CBI under Lisbon and that was it. I had no idea that you were going to be there until you showed up. As soon as I could I called him to get some information, but he just said to let things play out. I have no idea what he thought was going to happen."

"You talked to him? He knew everything that was going on?"

"Yes."

"He knew that I asked you out?"

Kimball suddenly feel silent at that his eyes dropping to the floor. Barking out a laugh Patrick felt tears gathering in his eyes. Not wanting to hear anymore he turned on his heel and started to walk out of the room.

He didn't get far before a strong hand was taking his wrist and spinning him back around. His mouth opened to start screaming at the other man when he was pulled into a kiss. It was so sweet and passionate. Nothing like the other kisses had been.

Moaning softly he reached up to grip his lover's shoulders. There was no pain or fear in the kiss. The tears that he had been holding back streamed down his face as he realized that all he could feel from Kimball was love.

"I love you, Patrick," Kimball declared breaking the kiss, "I love you."

"Stop playing me," Patrick sobbed out his fingers flexing in his lover's shirt.

"I'm not. You were never a game to me. He… I told him that you asked me out. I told him that I said yes."

"And he told you to make me fall in love with you."

"No! He drug me to bed. We spent that night and every night leading up to our date in bed. We made love every night."

"Kimball..."

"He was here when you came to pick me up. He kissed me when you knocked on the door. I expected him to be here when I got back, but he wasn't. He left and I haven't seen him since. I've called him and went to where I thought he'd be, but nothing. He left."

Hearing the pain in the man's voice Patrick pulled him into a hug. Arms wrapped around his waist as the younger man pressed closer. For a moment the two of them stood there holding each other not speaking.

"He left?" Patrick repeated softly.

"Yes," Kimball ground out pushing away from the older man, "He left."

"He didn't tell you why?"

"No. He… All he did was kiss me before I left."

Nodding his head Patrick watched the man curiously. During Kimball's speech it had hit him what was going on and he couldn't believe that he didn't see it before. It was something that Red John had done time and time again.

Kimball was right in a way. He was blinded by his hatred of the killer. Which he didn't think he could truly be blamed for. At the same time though the younger man was just as blind as he was. It was just for different reasons.

"Kimball," Patrick starting not quite sure how to say what he wanted to say, "He's playing you."

"No," the agent instantly denied.

"Yes. Think about it. Think about everything that's he's done. It's all been a game."

"You're wrong."

"I'm not. You can see it. I know you can. Him getting you this just. Him leaving you when I started to show interest. He was planning..."

"I'm not a pawn!"

"Everyone's a pawn to him."

"At first I was. I know that. I was never meant to be anything more than a hired gun, but that changed. The night he came to my apartment that changed."

"You're trying to make him into something he's not. You're trying to make him human."

"He is."

"No. He's a killer. That's it. That's all he's capable of being."

"He's more than just a killer. If you just opened your eyes."

"My eyes are open! My eyes opened the night that he killed my family. That man is a monster. A killer. That's it."

"And what do you think I am? I'm a killer too, Patrick. I've killed for the government and I've killed for Red John. That's what I am too and you know it. You knew it before you asked me out. The only difference between him and I is I didn't kill your family."

"Exactly! He killed my family, Kimball. My wife and daughter. He took everything I had!"

"I know that! And I hate him for hurting you."

The man's voice petered out as the confession fell from his lips. Patrick saw his eyes widen in shock before he spun away from him. It was clear that he meant what he was saying even though he hadn't meant to say it.

He was being torn apart by what was happening. He loved them both and he hated himself for falling in love with Patrick. Or hated that he fell in love with Red John. Even showing all of his emotions the man was hard to read.

In that moment though he looked like a lost child. He was nothing like the man that he had known for years. This wasn't meant to happen to someone like him. To someone that was always strong and sure of themselves.

"I don't understand," Patrick sighed falling into a chair.

"Neither do I," Kimball replied running a hand over his face.

"Why are you telling me all of this?"

"Because you're him."

"I'm not him."

"I know him and I know you. You're him."

"And if I am? Is that why you fell for me? Why you love me? Because you see him in me?"

"I don't know. I never meant to…"

"Meant to what? Love me?"

"Yes. I never meant to love you."

"Then why did you say yes when I asked you out? Why didn't you just keep up the game that he had going?"

"I don't know."

"Not good enough. Tell me. Were you thinking that you could have us both? That he'd stand back and let you fuck me? That I'd never see the truth? That I wouldn't hate you after I found out that you were with him?"

"Shut up. Just shut up!"

"No."

Standing up Patrick slowly made his way to the other man as if he was a hurt baby bird. The last thing that he wanted was for him to take off or take a swing. At the moment he was sure that the man was capable of anything.

When they got toe to toe the faux-psychic cupped the side of his face and pulled him into a kiss. Instantly Kimball was trying to take control, but Patrick refused to let him make it anything more passionate.

Slowly the younger man began to relax into the hold letting him do what he pleased. Patrick had always thought that it would be more of a fight, but he knew that he was wrong. Kimball didn't want to be in charge of anything.

That wasn't the type of person that he was at his core. Yes, he was a dangerous, well-trained killer, but only when pointed in that direction. He truly didn't care one way or an other. He was just better at hiding it than most.

He couldn't believe that he had missed it before. The man had always seemed like he was belonged in charge. It never accorded to him that if he wanted to be in charge than that was exactly what he was going to be.

This was what Red John had seen. A strong, capable, submissive man. He had seen past everything that people wanted Kimball to be and had given the man a chance to be the person he wanted.

At the same time he was able to get a new person in his ring. That was all that it took. That was almost always all that it took. Everyone just wanted another person to see behind the veil that they had in place.

A soft moan fell drug him from his thoughts as Kimball wrapped his arms around his neck. It was such a simple move, but it felt as if it meant something more. Almost as if he was giving into whatever it was Patrick wanted.

Breaking the kiss he gazed into his lover's eyes a smile tugging at his lips. This was what he knew. The warm, caring man that put everyone above himself. The man that held such an intelligence that he blindsided people. The man he fell in love with.

"I'm not going to shut up, Kimball," Patrick stated calmly, "You need to hear the truth."

"No," he whispered shaking his head.

"Kimball, none of this makes sense and you know it. You've been a cop for how long now? You've seen people like Red John. You know that he's not capable of love."

"You don't know him."

"I know that he's playing you. He can't feel love."

"Yes he..."

"No, listen to me. He's playing you. It's all a game. He pushed you into the CBI because he knew that this was where I was going to end up. It might have been only to watch me and the case, but then you told him I asked you out. He saw an opportunity."

"He couldn't have known I would fall for you."

"He could if he left. He left you alone so you wouldn't be distracted by his feelings. He knew that with him out of the picture that you would either fall in love with me or leave altogether. He used you."

"He loves..."

"You know exactly what he did to my family. You know how much he loves the pain of others. What better why to to kill me than to give me a person to love that loves him as well? What do you think he's going to do now that I know who you are?"

Clenching his jaw Kimball stood there quietly for a moment before his shoulders deflated. For a moment it was like the world had stopped. Patrick was sure that the man was going to fall to his knees right then and there.

Instead the agent slowly brushed past him and walked out of the kitchen. Not wanting the man to be alone with his thoughts he trailed behind. It wasn't long before they were in the bedroom and Kimball was climbing under the sheets.

Patrick stood by the door waiting for any sign of what the man was thinking. There were so many different ways that it could go. For all he knew the man could be thinking of ways to kill the older man himself.

Seeing his lover like that was one of the worst feelings that he had had in a long time and he was the reason. As much as he wanted to blame Red John that wasn't right. The killer had set the stones, but Patrick had made them fall and break.

"You really believe that… That I'm just another pawn?" Kimball asked staring up at the ceiling.

"Yes," Patrick stated sitting on the edge of the bed, "So do you."

"I don't… I don't want to. I'm-I'm tired, Patrick. I'm so tired."

Nodding his head Patrick climbed under the blankets himself laying on the other side of the bed. He hesitated for a moment reaching out for the man. It was completely possible that the man wouldn't want to be touched by him.

It wasn't until he saw a slight shake in his shoulders when he took a breath that he moved though. Wrapping an arm around Kimball's waist he pulled him close so his back was resting against his chest.

For awhile he laid there silently holding his lover. He let himself focus on the way his body moved with every breath he took. He had no idea how long it took, but eventually he heard the man snoring softly.

Smiling sadly he tightened his grip on the man and closed his eyes himself. He had no idea what the following morning was going to bring, but in that moment he was more than content to hold the man he loved as he slept.

He had no idea how long he'd been asleep for when the sound of his phone ringing jerked him awake. Not bothering to open his eyes he reached into his pocket and picked it up fully expecting to hear Lisbon on the other side telling him they had a case.

"Crime never does sleep, does it, Lisbon?" he snarked rolling onto his other side.

"Hello, Patrick," a low voice greeted.

Blue eyes shot open at the voice. He had no idea who it was, but there was something in him that screamed that something was wrong. Squinting he looked at the screen only to see that it was from an unknown caller.

"Who is this?" Patrick asked making sure the fear wasn't in his voice.

"You already know," the voice responded calmly.

"Red John."

"Hello."

"What do you want? Why are you calling me?"

"I wanted to know how it felt."

"How what felt?"

"Taking everything from someone."

Jerking up he looked at the other side of the bed noticing for the first time that it was empty. His eyes quickly scanned the area for any sign of his lover. They didn't have to go far before he saw the red smiling face staring at him.

Laying on the ground below the bloody smile he saw Kimball's prone body. Scrambling off the bed he turned the other man over hoping beyond hope that he was still alive. One look at the man's slit throat he knew that he was already gone.

"No," Patrick denied trying to feel for a pulse that wasn't there, "No!"

"His blood is on your hands," the voice said in a growl.

"You did this. You killed him."

"No! I would never make him do this. I loved him with everything that I was."

"You..."

"I gave him everything, EVERYTHING, that he could ever want and when he started to want you I backed away. He needed to know if he wanted you or me."

"I..."

"I loved Kimball Cho. And you killed him. You pushed and manipulated what he and I had. You pushed until he broke. Until he didn't know who he was anymore."

"No."

"You killed him!"

"No!"

"Yes. You took him from me. And now our little game? Oh, I'm changing to rules. Go back to sleep, Patrick. You're going to need it."


End file.
